Smoke City Betties

Some Roller Derby updates for anyone who cares (and you all should):

June 8, 2007:

The Smoke City Betties karaoke fundraiser @ Hurricane's (963 Bloor Street West)

June 16, 2007:

SMOKE CITY BETTIES
VS
Deadly Viper Assassination Squad

@ the George Bell Arena - 215 Ryding Ave. in Toronto


June 18th, 2007:

SMOKE CITY BETTIES and their fellow ROLLER GRRRLZ are going to be on Breakfast Television with segmants airing between 7am and 9am

So Many Expansion Teams, So Little Resources

My quest has now officially begun . . . to see the Ottawa Senators play as many different teams in as many different venues as I can. Last Saturday I saw them play (and beat) the Flyers in Ottawa for the second year in a row. Tonight I got to see them destroy (in Tampa) the Tampa Bay Lightning.

7-2 - damn it was fun! Thanks must go to Duke and company for getting the tickets and being there to support the team (although the four of us know there were only two true Senators fans amongst us). It was an interesting experience to be the guy booing the home team. And I got to meet several Sens fans tonight, most of who actually live in Tampa Bay after moving from Ottawa. Weird.

Sadly, I have no plans to see the Senators play again this season (though I will never, ever turn down free tickets to play-off hockey – hint hint).

As for the future of my quest, I am currently on a limited budget which means if I do not start earning a lot more money in social services soon (insert canned laughter here) I will be quite limited to the number of places I’ll actually get to go see the Sens play. Realistically, I do have a few match-ups in mind for the near future:

The Philadelphia Flyers may get crossed off my list sooner than later due to the (newly named) Aduchan 2006 + Classic. My buddy Bri and I have seen Ottawa and Philly play twice in Ottawa and hope to continue our own fantasy “best-of seven” series next year in the city of broken bells and AIDS flicks.

The Buffalo Sabres and Montreal Canadiens are also potentially do-able destinations. Both teams play relatively close to me and Montreal is truthfully the best city I have ever been to and therefore a desirable place for me to go and watch hockey. As for Buffalo, it sure does have an airport, doesn’t it?

The Atlanta Thrashers could easily find my sorry ass sitting in their stadium in the next couple of years. I worry about this venue however, as it will be tough for me to cheer above the ten Thrashers fans who might actually attend the game.

Finally, I am confident that I will head to New Jersey to see a Devils/Sens game. Tomb Dragomir is a huge fan (and I used to be too) so I know the two of us will head there someday. It’s a fact. I wish I had a joke to insert here, but there is truly nothing funnier than the thought of the Devils beating the Senators. This is also a fact.

For the record, I do happen to live about a 20 minute (on a bad day – and where the TTC is concerned they are all bad days) TTC ride away from the Air Canada Centre. I remain unconfident that I will actually get to see a game there. Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment care more about money than they do about hockey fans. Besides, even if I did have the $160 + to spend on 3 hours of entertainment for my girlfriend and me, I hear there are hookers who offer much more for less . . .

P.S. – I paid $7.50 for an assumed 20 ounces of Budweiser at the Tampa Bay game tonight. I guess the term “paying out of your ass” has no conversion rate.

Random Topics Of Conversation From March 3rd, 2007

On March 3rd I discussed with various people (in no particular order) . . .

Where to go drinking in Ottawa
The changes to Canada's daylight savings time
Whether or not I should go and see Pan's Labyrinth
That Ellen DeGeneres is actually funny
That Ellen DeGeneres cheaply ripped off David Cross
Whether or not I need to pick up some beer
The cons of living above a store
Why I'm not going out tonight
That the Toronto Maple Leafs don't seem to care if they win or lose
How Jen and I should decorate our apartment
Reasons why Jen and I procrastinate on decorating our apartment
That I hope my friends have fun in Cuba
Where the 400 dollars in my bank account went to
Why buying a hockey jersey without a number on it seems pointless
That buying a hockey jersey should be done soon before the new jerseys are introduced
Whether or not getting another cat would be good for Hank
What made my eggs pleasantly spicy
The fact that I haven't spoken to Eran Dod in a long time
Shoes today do not last as long as they did when my friend Dave and I were teenagers
Why I need to by new boots right away
What Adrian meant when he said he 'gets a rub on' from his boots
The transport truck I saw harshly back into a parked car and then speed away

A Little Something Until More Somethings Come To Mind

I drive apathetically to work, squinting towards the middle-aged sun. Autumn is near, yet the city is coated in a haze of pollution and humidity. The people I meet along the way wear their cars with an acute sense of pride. Their destinations are more important than their morals when they don their multi-thousand dollar disguises. "How do you live with yourselves?” I wonder as they swerve in front of old ladies trying to cross the street or force busloads of children to stop short.

My apathy dies, butchered by intense bitterness, as a rusty moving van cuts me off. My horn bleats senselessly and my middle fingers wave savagely as I invent demonic swear words. Minutes later the van has disappeared down an alleyway, and I realize then that it is too late for me. I have let the bastards win. My car too is my mask – a convenient excuse for me to disregard common decency. I speed up, attempting to block a turning car from getting in front of me. As they shake their fists I shake my head. "Seriously, how do you live with yourself?”

Some Kinda Love . . . Some Kinda Hate

If you are a regular reader of my weblog, you may have noticed that my attitude towards life in Toronto leans a towards being negative. Yet I love living here. Therefore, I’d like to disclose a few reasons I'm happy to be living in Toronto. Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t also include some reasons this city pisses me off.


LOVE (In no particular order):

1. Diversity – so many places to go in this city with a unique feel to all of them (i.e. Kensington Market, Roncesvalles, The Village)

2. Location – travel East or West and you're just a few hours away from Niagara Falls, The U.S. or Montreal; head North you’re setup for some great spots to go wilderness camping or to make a stop at Canada's Wonderland

3. Driving alone the Gardiner – nothing reminds you that you are in Toronto more than driving above the city past the various tourist attractions such as the CN Tower, Sky Dome (that’s right, I said “Sky Dome” and not “Roger’s Centre” – deal with it), and various high rise buildings

4. Toronto parks – the Islands, High Park

5. A lot to do – there is something going on somewhere all the time

6. Indie Cinemas – some are closing but the few that remain show great documentaries and independent films

7. Making a big city seem small – the TTC will, in theory, get you anywhere you need to go (as long as you’re willing to wait long enough to get there – see HATE #4)

8. Buskers - music while you walk is alright by me



HATE (In no particular order):


1. The price of alcohol – we pay too much!! (both in bars and in the beer/liquor stores)

2. The cost of living – groceries and rent alone can make it difficult for a guy paying off his various debts to get by

3. Traffic – mostly during rush hour, but also on week-ends

4. TTC – drivers with attitude, long waits for busses and street cars, frequent disruptions in service, fellow riders who don't shower, rush hour commuters who think only of their own well-being

5. Radio – the agonizing programming on public radio in Toronto makes satellite’s thirteen bucks a month seem quite reasonable

6. Scarborough – need I say more?

7. Cyclists – perhaps learning the rules of the road would be wise if you are going to ride alongside two-ton machines that travel between 50 and 100 km/hr

8. Pushy Panhandlers - I understand they are poor and desperate for money, but that doesn't give them the right to interrupt my dinner on a patio or walk down the street with rude scam attempts to get money to get home to [insert city here]

F*cking TTC

Let me send a special thank-you out to the brave and lazy bastard of the TTC. Striking without notice, even for just a morning, was quite an effective way to gain empathy from the citizens of Toronto. Now EVERYONE is behind you.

Idiots.

Has no one in your union heard of choosing their battles wisely? I know many people who would be happy to take over your jobs for you.

Friday Night

As I pushed her drunken shell into the cab
And began to climb in behind her
I grew terrified
For she was drunk and on the urge of vomiting
And with a 20 minute cab ride ahead of us there would be no escape
From the diarrhea stench of liberated fart
Unleashed by the cabbie
Seconds before
I had opened the door

Sheep

People are so easily guided by crap, following their favourite forms of media without question and thinking that the ideas they regurgitate are their own. I guess that's why The Dead Milkmen song "Moron" has been stuck in my head today. I guess that's why I changed my quote of the moment. I was also reminded of a Sloppy Seconds lyric: "Patience is a virtue that only seems to hurt you". Seems that's the attitude of most people these days.

I was an angry boy today, coming into work. I am getting frustrated with this city and the self-centred displays coming from the sheep I see wondering the streets. Some of the worst offenders are people who stand in the middle of the street looking to see if the streetcar is coming, only to shoot me a dirty look when I almost run them over. Newsflash moron, the middle of the street is probably not a good place for you to be standing at anytime. The people on the sidewalk can be just as bad, barreling through crowds with their indignant faces and/or baby carriages, surprised that the rest of the world isn't moving out of the way for them. My fellow drivers are just as bad, waving their fists and honking their horns as they try to cut off other drivers (potentially causing bodily and monetary damage) so they can make it to their spa treatment on time. Maybe Copernicus was wrong. Maybe the Earth really revolves around them.

Damn it, I'm only 31 and I feel like a grumpy old man.

There's No Time Like the Past

Hey Folks,

I was just reading over some old stuff I'd written, trying to find something good for you to sink your eyes into, when I came across some writing I had done for an ill-fated magazine project. I had not written much for it, but I did review an Ol' 55's show at the Poor Alex. Since I put my time and effort into it, only to never have had it read, I would like to share it now. After all, why let innocent words go to waste.

My only regret is that I do not have the actual date of the show recorded (very unprofessional of me, I know), but it was earlier this year, sometime in June. Also, keep in mind that this was for a particular column that had a limited word count and therefore required limited details. For the record, I stand behind this review. Hell I even paid at the door after the show was done, despite the fact they had let me in for free. Besides, I wouldn't have their link posted here if I thought it would waste your time.

"OL'" IS THE NEW "NEW"
You never know what to expect from a pay-what-you-can show. Most times you end up checking your wristwatch, hoping to salvage some fun from an otherwise wasted weekend evening. A different story emerged from the smoky bowels of the Poor Alexander last Saturday night however as The Ol’ 55’s took charge of the evening. Pumping forward some thoroughly enjoyable tunes, these newcomers proved to be a band of balance. They were catchy and yet still aggressive. Their stage presence was confident, yet not insultingly cocky. While Lea Dodington bashed out some boastful beats from the shadows, the duo of Thor Thunders and Casey Lyons shook the front end of things in a feisty melee of dirty rock music. With so many bands crowding the Toronto scene these days, it is difficult to choose which shows to check out. Taking a gamble on The Ol’ 55’s however is one bet that will surely pay off.

SEX!

The Toronto Sun, one of Toronto's "news"papers, reached a new low yesterday. Their front-page headline read 18,000 Dead. Below was a huge picture taken from Saturday night's Leaf game questioning the Leaf's future in this years NHL season. The Sun has always been one to produce ridiculous and sensational headlines. When Ozzy Osbourne came to town during the SARS ordeal, the headline was *@!$# SARS . When serial killer Paul Bernardo was sentenced, the headline read Rot in Hell You Bastard. This time however their attempt at grabbing our attention is at the expense of 18,000 plus dead people. I understand this is a hockey town, but a disaster of this magnitude deserves a little more respect than the Sun seems willing to give.

Hungry?

Jen and I were looking into donating our leftover food from our moving extravaganza when I discovered the Daily Bread Food Bank website. I was amazed by the number of people who access food banks in Toronto on a monthly basis. Check out their website at:

http://www.dailybread.ca/

I also came across some statistics regarding people with disabilities in Ontario and their usage of food banks. Aside from being a writer, a drinker and an all-around asshole, I work with people who have intellectual disabilities and I know that they experience poverty more than the average person does. Click here to read what I read.


For the readers out there who are not from Ontario or Toronto, I recommend you do a quick search to see what food bank services are offered in your area. You might be surprised to see who is going hungry in your city tonight.

Urban Scrawl

on the subway on February 17, 2005:

Walking stereotypes of attitude are crowding my existence again. I wonder, does it make a difference where you live? Suburban bitterness had a sour sting as I rotted in my self-made prison. But now, this urban pretension . . . it kicks me in my teeth. At least the small town sheep took time to mock me as I spat crimson at their feet. In the city they are oblivious – to both the pain they cause, and to their wolf's clothing ripping gently apart at the seams.