Friday's Gone

"I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind."

-Kansas

I wish I could dismiss Jake's absence but I can't. He is everywhere in this apartment and he follows me elsewhere. What a stupid song to honour him, but it does and I ache. It all reminds me of his eyes as he lay on the vet's table for the last time. Arrrrgh! Wish I could write here more, but all I can do is think of him.

If This Was A Real Blog . . .

I might take more time to share the ups and downs of losing Jake. I might talk about my drunkenness, my reevaluation of how much Jen means to me, my swears, my tears, my endless amount of television distraction, my sickness, my heart-ache, my disbelief, my migraines and hopefully about my acceptance. Ugh.

Jake

So I used my cat's health a few posts back (a move that I regret) in order to keep people coming back here. His health was improving at that time so I thought it made for a funny joke. Sadly, he is now quite sick and has an appointment with the vet tomorrow. Hopefully they can heal him, but when a cat is not eating, going to the bathroom or purring it is not a good sign. I'll keep you all updated as the situation progresses.

For All of You Who Have Visited In August . . .

. . . there should have been a post here warning that RANK is on vacation for the month of August, returning September 5th, but there was no such post because I forgot to take it out of my draft pile and actually post it. I suck, but you don't, so please come back and check this site out in September!


Coming soon:

- Where the hell did Mike go for a month?
- my cat Jake was sick again, but did he live this time?

and if all goes well . . .

A RANK podcast!

Another Quickie

I just thought I'd update for the few faithfully fantastics that remain fans of this place - thank you for checking in despite my lack of new posts!

Jake: Went to the vet. Had infected teeth (they stunk and were bloody). Teeth are now removed and Jakie is fine!

Computer: Got it working today but barely. I have limited internet access because this is such and old computer and all my upgrades were deleted. Still, I can now post from home. My Microsoft Word is deleted however so I am "quiet" sorry for the lack of grammer and spell check here.

Me: So very sick with a cold. Snotty snot snot. No smoking still sucks too. If you ever quit, don't go to the mall at X-mas time. You may just hurt somebody. Other crappiness has included our phone being cut off (fixed tonight) and our furnace breaking (so very cold over the last few nights). Some goodness these days however includes a raise at work and the fact that I am able to write this post from home, in the comforts of a newly fixed furnace, via a newly fixed phone line, using a newly fixed modem, drinking lots of wine and looking forward to a staff luncheon tomorrow at the race track.

Still Here

Hi everyone. I’m still alive but I am also on the road a lot during the day and my home computer is still FUBAR. I have tried to install new drivers for my modem but I can never seem to find an appropriate match. Since I need internet access to download the drivers, yet have no internet access at home, such trial and error has been s . . . l . . . o . . . w . . . and frustrating. Psychic Mike predicts a new computer in his future.

I haven’t had a smoke since last Thursday. I want to rip out my hair and chew through my arm on a nightly basis. At least Jen and two other friends quit at the same time as me. It’s easier to sit in hell knowing others are in hell with you. Actually, the hardest part is watching what I eat. Last time I quit smoking I allowed myself to eat anything I wanted, justifying my gluttony through the feat of not of smoking. As a result I gained thirty pounds. I can’t afford to gain thirty more. It might sound weird, but I feel that a person should be able to reach around to wipe their butt without cramping up. I truly value my autonomy when it comes to using the toilet and refuse to allow my health to diminish to the point that I have to perform stretching exercises before taking a seat.

On a sadder note, Jake, our thirteen year cat, is sick. Jen and I are taking him to the vet tomorrow. He seems to be okay other than the fact that he is sleeping all the time (more so than usual) and rarely moves from the chair in the living room. He is still eating however, and he’s still affectionate when we pet him, but he is definitely acting differently from the running, meowing, playful Jake that we saw when we first moved. I will post an update on his condition when I get a chance to use a computer again.

T'anks

PAST: Thank you everyone for helping me break 300 hits. Keep on reading and I'll keep on posting.

PRESENT: It has been a week now since I moved, and I'm really loving the new place but Jake, my stumpy feline friend, seems to be loving it even more. He has a huge bay window to sit in (he's sleeping there right now in front of me) and he loves listening to the conversations of the many people below. Also, he can run on the carpets a million times faster than he could on the hardwood floor that covered my old place. In fact, despite his missing limbs, he has almost tripped Jen and me a few times trying to dash out the front door. If I ever have the ability to post video here, I must show you him running - it is quit an amazing sight.

Hank, the less mentioned cat, is also adjusting nicely. She wouldn't go near me for a week, but she is now letting me pet her again. I think she felt punished when we moved, but now she is seeing that this is her new home. She even slept on Jen's lap tonight (a first for her entire 2.5 years with us).

FUTURE: I have some music reviews due for Exclaim! on Monday so I'll let you all know if I check out there's anything worthwhile. Other than that, I hope to see this page break the 500 mark and will therefore try to post as often as I can. Until next time . . .

Jake's Post

When I was the cat I used to be, I had spirit. I was full of life. I climbed trees with ease, and tore the fields apart – tore them up with instinct galore. I lived with furious grace. I was free.

Of course, that was when I was the cat I used to be.

Now, with my life of comforts and treats, I cry. You might think it is a need for love, or pity, or just a life of some pathetic me. Really, when I am crying, it is for the cat I used to be.

Make no mistake. Lying cold on the side of some forgotten road, I almost died. My sisters took me in. They kept me safe while I lay in the grass, missing my back legs. I was cold. I was helpless. I was angry. I was not me. Remember this. I cry for the cat I used to be.

My sisters are now all gone. One is dead from being saved. The others have gone to a home unknown. I keep on keeping on. I am legless, with my spirit bruised. Yet, I can cope. So please do not blame me when I cry. My cries are not for you. They are not for me. When I cry, it is for the cat I used to be.